And something with which I cannot deal.

[f4f3]

My dad was booked in for an angiogram on Monday. It's a long story, involving ongoing care, and a referral to a heart specialist, and being told he had heart valve damage, which had three different treatment options: control with drugs, fitting a stent, bypass surgery. The angiogram was to give details to allow them to decide on the treatment. On Monday he phoned to give me details about a charity ball we're going to at the weekend. While he was on, I asked him about the angiogram. No, he wouldn't have offered details. I'm surprised he even told me he was having the test done (last time he needed an op, I got a call from him telling me he'd gotten out of hospital. Never one telling me he was going in). Anyway. The test showed damage to three valves, not one, which puts treatment with stents out of the question. Today there will be a case conference to decide between drugs and a bypass. I'm wondering now if the decision is whether they think he's healthy enough to survive the bypass. 

And I just cannot deal with this. Trying to think of it just reveals a big, blank space where my thoughts fall off the end of the road. My throat tightens, my chest constricts. I just cannot get further than thinking that this is not something I can deal with. 

I'll hear more tonight, and we'll see each other at the weekend. But I just don't want this to be happening. 

Comments

[nicnac.livejournal.com]

Huge sympathies and everything crossed for the best possible outcome

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Thanks - it's all very uncertain now, and nothing I can do will make it more certain. Feeling helpless is probably the worst of it, for me.

[danieldwilliam.livejournal.com]

That sounds difficult all round.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

'Tis not easy, that's for sure.

[danieldwilliam.livejournal.com]

Aye – well, for what it’s worth MLW and I* are thinking of you and if we can help let us know.

*The Captain is thinking of water tortoises and cars.

[deililly.livejournal.com]

Internet hugs all round. And major crossing of fingers.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Thanks - hugs are always good.

[anthrokeight.livejournal.com]

I am thinking all the good things for you and your dad.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I really appreciate that.

[white_hart]

Hugs and good wishes to both of you.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Thank you - although as an unreconstructed West Coast Scot, he'd probably flee the hugs.

[helianthas.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Thank you, and right back atcha.

[dead-damien.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about you a lot, now even more so. I have hugs and empathy to offer, and wish all of you ...not strength, because it's not always a good thing, but resilience. Yes.

[radialcell.livejournal.com]

Beaming good thoughts your way from Germany.

[jen-c-w.livejournal.com]

christ, I'm so sorry. Just try and get through the week, day by day. Can you get anytime off to get away somewhere?

[kapusta-volante.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry. I've become familiar with this feeling this year and indeed, it is awful. I hope he'll be alright.