Emotional Weather Report

[f4f3]

For reasons noted earlier, and reasons un-noted as yet, I’ve been fairly stressed this week. Ok, I’ve been very stressed. And then there’s the stress of being on my own in another country, 3,000 miles and 5 hours from just about everyone I want to talk to. Funnily enough, it’s the hours that make me more isolated than the miles. By the time I’ve finished work here, it’s about 11 at home, and no one is really up for a long chat at that time. As well, I’m less than two months out of a long term relationship, and coming to terms with that, and tying to figure out what I want from my future. And my employment contract runs out in two weeks.There’s a lot on my plate.

Today I got some good news about my Dad. He woke up normally this morning after his quadruple by-pass, and when he was examined in the afternoon he was well enough to be transferred from Intensive Care to the High Dependency Unit. So everything’s on track for him. Which is great news, and it left me very relieved and ready to go into something close to melt down, which I duly did.

Rather than stay indoors and cook, or try to get take-away to deliver to the flat, I decided to take myself round the corner for some Chinese food at a restaurant next to the Cheesecake Factory. It’s a five minute walk away, and by the time I’d walked for five minutes, I’d decided I wanted Thai. So I walked on into the centre of West Providence, their Arts District, and I wandered down through the little maze of cross-streets that seem to have been designed to hold quirky restaurants and blues clubs. Ten minutes (or half an hour) of that and I decided I didn’t want Thai, I wanted Steak and Chips. And after another 15 minutes of wandering, I decided to go into a posh looking place set up in an old bank.

It turned out to be what I needed – not a steak house, but a place with pretensions of nouvelle cuisine. The portions were small, but the fish I had was nicely done, pollock with a herby crust and a side of peas and various bits and pieces. The side dish was needlessly fussy, the fish was plain and very good. I had a dessert, which hid some rhubarb amongst blobs of cake and sorbet. With a rhubarb consommé poured over the top. The consommé was water thin, and mostly tasteless. But none of it added much to my weight, and the bill, with two cups of excellent coffee, was under $45. Despite the fact that the place had a long cocktail list and what looked like an equally long wine list, I didn’t have anything to drink except water. I don’t think I mentioned that I haven’t been drinking this week. I stopped last Wednesday in fact. Partly this is to help me lose weight (or at least balance the inevitable increase from weeks of not cooking for myself) but it was also partly because I had quite a bit to drink on Tuesday last (two glasses of wine, a Manhattan and a couple of whiskies. By my standards, that’s not a great deal, but it left me feeling a bit seedy when I woke up on Wednesday (in retrospect, that might have had a lot to do with the Mac Cheese and Lobster I had for dinner). As I said above, I’m already under a lot of stress, and one thing drink does not do for me is make me more stable. I’m on my own here, and I have no inbuilt compass for danger. Every time I cross the road, I look the wrong way, and that’s when I’m sober. I have no idea what are the bad parts of Providence to be walking home through after dark. And I have no intention of working out what I want from my future when drunk. So, anyway, I had nothing to drink tonight and that surprised me. I don’t know how long not drinking will last, but I’m happy with it at the moment, apparently.

Walking home I kept getting whiffs of wood-smoke, but it wasn’t until I got to the bridge over the local river that I realised they had a small scale Water Fire festival going on. I hung around for a bit, enjoying the bonfires and the music (Bach, this time, and as Neal Stephenson says, “Geeks love Bach”). I probably spent about 20 minutes on one of the footbridges, slipping in and out of meditation and thinking long thoughts, about… Well never you mind what about. It will all come out in the end.

So now I’m back in the flat, a little wired from the coffee, and apparently not ready for sleep yet. My plan for the weekend is to do a little travelling. At the moment, that means Newport tomorrow, and Boston on Sunday. I’m prepared to swap that around, once I check that Boston’s galleries are open on Sunday, since my main reason for going to Newport is to see Uncle Willie’s Mansion, and I’m sure that isn’t going away any time soon.

Next week, I’m taking on a 90 minute commute, rather than soak the company for an apartment PLUS a hotel. Next weekend, NYC.

So I do have a plan, kind of, sort of. I don’t know when I’m going to settle down (did I mention I feel unsettled tonight?) but I do seem to be handling it better than I expected. No drunken rambles, no sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. Hopefully I’ll just enjoy this weekend – no reason not to, since I can’t get home to my Dad’s bedside, or to see anyone else. And how often do I get the chance to see Boston and the Ocean in a single weekend?

So off to do my homework now, on Newport and Boston. Travel reports over the weekend, I expect, emotional weather reports as the occasion allows…

Comments

[helianthas.livejournal.com]

I wonder if there's a couch surfing community in providence? Often there's a range of ages involved, you might meet some cool people happy to take a foreigner out for some company?

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Strangely enough, the being on my own has been good for me - so far. I've been carrying too much stuff to be much fun in company. OTOH, I'm fed up not being able to talk to anyone except myself (though Skype has saved my life, I think).

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

Not drinking under those circumstances is probably wise.

Enjoy Boston!

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

It's working for me, so far.

[amelia-eve.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, I am probably too late for this, but my favorite museum in Boston is the Gardner. I think it's much more interesting than the MFA most of the time. I am very partial to collections amassed by one person, and this one has some lovely quirks. Not art, but another wonderful museum is Harvard's Natural History Museum. Their great treasure is The Glass Flowers. I have never seen anything like them in the world, and try to visit them whenever I am in Cambridge.

Also, Legal Seafood is quite good, even though it's a bit of a chain. But I suppose you can get plenty of shore dinners in Providence. Boston is also known for Greek and Middle Eastern cuisine, but I can't recommend a specific restaurant. I like Helmand in Cambridge but it's a bit awkward to get to.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Brilliant tips - I'm going tomorrow, so perfectly timed, too :) You're the second person to mention the glass flowers - guess I'm off to see them, then :)

[widgetfox.livejournal.com]

Yes, this. Had forgotten. Gardner not dissimilar to Soane.

[dead-damien.livejournal.com]

Good to hear your dad's doing okay after such a big thing. Worrying far away is a crippling feeling, I'm glad you've been able to let a little joy seep into your days nevertheless.