Hello, I Must Be Going

[f4f3]

I'm in Inverness today and tomorrow, and, as one of my colleagues pointed out, there are worst places to be.

For one thing, it means I only have one more day in the Edinburgh office, Friday, and then the festivities begin - there are nights out on Friday (office thing, possibly purgatorial), Saturday (Travis, must find someone to give a ticket to) and the Glasgow Stands Up on Sunday, which is a benefit for the Clutha victims.

I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off, which will give me a chance to wrap some Christmas presents. Oh, and buy some Christmas presents. I'm considering heading out West on Thursday, to spend a few days at the cottage before New Year (which I'll spend in Edinburgh, for the first time).

I'm not really doing a very good job of centering myself right now. My past is too much with me, to the extent that I spent an hour at Sunday's Quaker meeting rehearsing conversations with someone who wasn't there, though I had an irrational feeling, as I walked into the meeting, that she might be.

I'm also trying to invent some Christmas rituals of my own, but a lot of Christmas is still wrapped up with past experiences. Antje did Christmas better than anyone I know, and I miss that (and so much else) about us being together. More at this time of the year than others.

I'm also missing out on two big gathering of friends this year, one by choice and one very much not by choice. This wouldn't normally bother me too much, but at this time of year... Well it bothers me quite a bit, though I'll do my best to hide it.

I like Christmas, I enjoy it a lot, and it saddens me right now to be thinking "Well, the only way through it is through it."

Ach.

Comments

[meredyth-13.livejournal.com]

There's so much pressure to make Christmas a 'special' thing - and yeah, some people do it with style. But the truth is, it's a day - and the only thing special is what you bring to it. One of the best Christmas days I ever had was when we made no plans, and ended up lying around all day in a friend's pool, drinking champagne and eating strawberries (not recommended for UK climates). We didn't cook, didn't follow any rituals, didn't do anything except just be. And it was glorious.

Whatever you do this year, just find some peace in the moment, be kind to yourself, and do something nice for someone else (big or small). I think building your own little rituals will come with time and situation, and not for deliberate planning.

*hugs*