When I grow up, I want to...

[f4f3]

Driving into work this morning I was listening to Angela Hewitt's recording of Bach's "The Well Tempered Clavier", and it reminded me that I'm thinking of taking piano lessons this Autumn. Tonight, I'm off to the fencing club. With both thoughts bumping off each other, I started wondering what other things I'd like to be able to do. And that I’d already (in the words of a half-remembered quote about three things a man must do in his life) planted a tree, raised a child and married a woman. I’d even done one of them three times (Plum, Cherry and Eucalyptus) (Cherry will be 13 this year. Lovely girl). And this wandered off into wondering what the accomplished man should be able to do (yes, that's man - I'm not altogether sure any woman would bother make the same sort of list, or what would be on it). I suppose I need to define my terms first... Hmm, if I was just talking about this with Billking1959 it would be easy - what would David Mansion do - but since Mansion's life and works are known only to The Few (partly for reasons of national security, but also, as ever, due to "the confederacy of dunces" who conspire against the great man, I'll need to be a little more general.

 

I'm talking about the sort of man who could drop from a plane, swim underwater with a rose in his teeth and drop a box of chocolates on a bedside table. The sort of man who can field strip a shot-gun without getting his tweeds dirty. James Bond as played by Sean, with a dash of Jason King and a soupcon of Cary Grant, with Gordon Ramsay's culinary skills and Alen Coren's  wit. You know, an everyman.

 

So far I've come up with the following list.

 

He must be able to:

 

• Fence - probably saber
• Use a bow - a real bow, not one those compound recurve things
• Drive fast cars – safely (his own safety, that is)
• Play chess, backgammon, roulette, blackjack and poker. Not bridge, though.
• Know his classics (within reason - it's ok to be familiar with, say, a half dozen of Shakespeare’s plays, and be able to quote a sonnet or two, but he shouldn't be able to recite the complete works).
• Be able to hold his liquor (no comments about "by the ears", please), and know his liquor (quiet at the back). Know his Speysides from his Islay's, his Alsace from his elbow. But not be a bore.
• Scuba dive.
• Be able to produce something of artistic merit - throw a pot, paint a picture, write a tune, oh and be able to play a tune, on something.
• Be able to cook (barbequing is not cooking. No it's not).
• Be able to change a plug, and iron a shirt, and sew on a button. Domestic incompetence is not manly, it’s feeble.
• Write a poem.
• Know at least one martial art.
• Use a gun.

 

So what else am I missing?

Comments

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

Should be able to play cricket tolerably well. Perhaps also rugby but soccer is right out.

I suspect that the ability to traverse vast tracks of bush, preferably by canoe, is also essential. Some mountaineering skills perhaps?

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

For some reason I have a vision of you stubbornly canoeing across the kalahri...

Cricket is one that passed me by (not being English). Rugby sounds about right, for a chap.

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

I suspect riding; horses, camels and motorbikes comes in somewhere. Also sailing small boats and navigating by the stars.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Horses definitely. Possibly elephants. And sailing.

[rwrylsin.livejournal.com]

Dancing.
Not that techno bouncing rubbish either. Tango, Waltz and Salsa should cover most occasions.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Definitely. Although I'd also put in some ceilidh dances.

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

must, of course, be able to tie a bowtie (and avoid the usual USAian dress related faux pas such as wearing brown shoes when not in the country etc)

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

And not wearing a belt with a waistcoat, and remembering to leave the bottom button of the waistcoat undone.

[davidcook.livejournal.com]

The classic Heinlein quote :

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

That's a fantastic quote - both in content, and in how well it sums up The Heinlein.

[mawombat.livejournal.com]

I qualify for most of these (fencing - saber yes, archery, scuba diving, backgammon, etc.) but I'm a woman. Do I still qualify?

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Oh, definitely - and you'd certainly make it as a Heinlein character...

[munchkinstein.livejournal.com]

The question is, how many of these should you be able to do at the same time without looking like someone in need of Norris McWhirter's phone number?
i.e. Cricket and drinking go well together. Dancing with a gun less so.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Someone once said that the difference between a sport and a game is that anything you can do while smoking is a game...

[chickenfeet2003.livejournal.com]

Tell that to Joan of Arc

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

*ching-boom*

[fugney.livejournal.com]

>>Be able to cook (barbequing is not cooking. No it's not). Be able to change a plug, and iron a shirt, and sew on a button. Domestic incompetence is not manly, it’s feeble.<<

I've been thinking of late that domestic competence is manly. I'm getting my mum to teach me how to make rotis. It's surprisingly easy. Curries, I suspect, will be more complicated.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I do make a mean bolagnese, if I say so myself.

[fugney.livejournal.com]

You must mean "bolognese" (hail wikipedia) and I think you forgot a "may" in there.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

See this is what happens when I don't spell-check. But where would the "may" go?

[kittenexploring.livejournal.com]

I'm betting before the say.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Hmm, not a form I'd generally use.

[fugney.livejournal.com]

kittenexploring got it right.

[kittenexploring.livejournal.com]

Manners and another language or three. Probably about time to add programming or general computer poking to the skills list, too.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Manners *should* have gone without saying. Regrettably, though...

And yes, definitely a language or two. A smattering, at least.

Computers though? Hmm, not sure.

[kittenexploring.livejournal.com]

I was thinking as a general handyman skill like turning a pile of wood into some rough furniture. They don't need to develop Skynet, just be comfortable with knowing which bits to pull out to make Skynet start singing Daisy. Writing Skynet would still be a plus, though, up until Armageddon.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

I think computers are more or less covered off under "ability to use an axe", don't you?

[amelia-eve.livejournal.com]

I was thinking about foreign languages as well. And probably some handyman skills, both with motors and around the house.

It's more difficult to quantify, but I also require some sort of planning ability. My Ideal Man knows how to book travel arrangements and keep a calendar as well as a budget. Without the Jeeves side accomplishments, the other gentlemanly pursuits have a lot less meaning.

He should also know how to hail a taxi, ask a lady to dance, and be able to tip subtly and appropriately.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Taxi, tipping and asking - yup.
Planning should be something that happens to other people, I think - things should just fall effortlessly into place (unless he's plotting the downfall of a tyrant, or rescuing hostages of course).