f4f3 | Glasgow Nonsense

My old boss has discovered e-mail, and likes to send out jokes: at least these are clean...

Cut for sillyness and possible cultural incomprehension (as summed up in the last joke)

What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe ?
Wee Shooey.

What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe and can't
find his dog ?
Wee Shooey Douglas.

A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
"Doctor , Doctor! He cries , "you've got to help me, I feel like I'm
turning into coconut"
Says the doctor, "You're bountae "

What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ?
A bat in the mouth.

There were three coos in a field. Which wan wis oan its hoalidays ?
The wan wi a wee calf.

What do you call an illegitimate insect ?
A fly bastart.

Hear about the lonely prisoner ?
He was in his cell.

What famous costume drama TV series of the 1970's was named after a
queue for the toilet ?
The Aw Needin Line.

The man in the clothes shop insisting on a maroon jacket.
"Fur ma roon shooders"

Hear about the stupit skindiver?
He didny have a scuba.

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a social worker ?
Ye can get yer wean back aff a Rottweiler

What do you call a Glasgow Sikh who enjoys karaoke ?
Gupty Singh

Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the Glasgow
Mafia?
Apparently they made him an offer he couldn't understand.