Glasgow Nonsense
Apr. 4th, 2006 10:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
f4f3My old boss has discovered e-mail, and likes to send out jokes: at least these are clean...
Cut for sillyness and possible cultural incomprehension (as summed up in the last joke)
What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe ?
Wee Shooey.
What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe and can't
find his dog ?
Wee Shooey Douglas.
A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
"Doctor , Doctor! He cries , "you've got to help me, I feel like I'm
turning into coconut"
Says the doctor, "You're bountae "
What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ?
A bat in the mouth.
There were three coos in a field. Which wan wis oan its hoalidays ?
The wan wi a wee calf.
What do you call an illegitimate insect ?
A fly bastart.
Hear about the lonely prisoner ?
He was in his cell.
What famous costume drama TV series of the 1970's was named after a
queue for the toilet ?
The Aw Needin Line.
The man in the clothes shop insisting on a maroon jacket.
"Fur ma roon shooders"
Hear about the stupit skindiver?
He didny have a scuba.
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a social worker ?
Ye can get yer wean back aff a Rottweiler
What do you call a Glasgow Sikh who enjoys karaoke ?
Gupty Singh
Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the Glasgow
Mafia?
Apparently they made him an offer he couldn't understand.
Cut for sillyness and possible cultural incomprehension (as summed up in the last joke)
What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe ?
Wee Shooey.
What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe and can't
find his dog ?
Wee Shooey Douglas.
A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
"Doctor , Doctor! He cries , "you've got to help me, I feel like I'm
turning into coconut"
Says the doctor, "You're bountae "
What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ?
A bat in the mouth.
There were three coos in a field. Which wan wis oan its hoalidays ?
The wan wi a wee calf.
What do you call an illegitimate insect ?
A fly bastart.
Hear about the lonely prisoner ?
He was in his cell.
What famous costume drama TV series of the 1970's was named after a
queue for the toilet ?
The Aw Needin Line.
The man in the clothes shop insisting on a maroon jacket.
"Fur ma roon shooders"
Hear about the stupit skindiver?
He didny have a scuba.
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a social worker ?
Ye can get yer wean back aff a Rottweiler
What do you call a Glasgow Sikh who enjoys karaoke ?
Gupty Singh
Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the Glasgow
Mafia?
Apparently they made him an offer he couldn't understand.
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Date: 2006-04-04 10:52 am (UTC)(Bluenose means something else entirely in Canada...)
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Date: 2006-04-04 10:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-04 11:07 am (UTC)and btw, mr devine taught my daughter at schoo('Pick a winder laddie, yer leavin')
xxx
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Date: 2006-04-04 04:08 pm (UTC)xxx
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Date: 2006-04-04 11:14 am (UTC)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bluenose
It has nothing to do with anyone's religious persuasion, thankfully!
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Date: 2006-04-04 12:39 pm (UTC)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Browncoat
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Date: 2006-04-05 09:47 am (UTC)Bluenose Noun
1) On the West Coast - a Hun
2)On the East Coast - A Dundee FC Supporter
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Date: 2006-04-05 09:49 am (UTC)Dundee do play in Blue, so that would make sense.
Hearts are the traditional Protestant team in Edinburgh, Hibernian the tradiotional Catholic one - this isn't as strong an identification as Rangers and Celtic, but it does persist.
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Date: 2006-04-04 11:09 am (UTC)And many of them made me laugh. Ta.
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Date: 2006-04-04 04:08 pm (UTC)I think I must be ill, and I have been nowhere near Woodlands Road.
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Date: 2006-04-05 07:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 07:18 pm (UTC)'Ach, ye ruined that dug when ye took the wheels aff.'
Partick Thistle?? Yes, we supported them in our house, and my dad used to keep me up to date with their inexorable slide...
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Date: 2006-04-19 08:20 am (UTC)I loved Billy Connolly's line about the drunk accidentally throwing up over a wee dug:
"Ah cannae remember eating that - hey, Mr, can ye get a hairy fish?"