Glasgow Nonsense

[f4f3]

My old boss has discovered e-mail, and likes to send out jokes: at least these are clean...

Cut for sillyness and possible cultural incomprehension (as summed up in the last joke)



What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe ?
Wee Shooey.

What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe and can't
find his dog ?
Wee Shooey Douglas.

A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
"Doctor , Doctor! He cries , "you've got to help me, I feel like I'm
turning into coconut"
Says the doctor, "You're bountae "

What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ?
A bat in the mouth.

There were three coos in a field. Which wan wis oan its hoalidays ?
The wan wi a wee calf.

What do you call an illegitimate insect ?
A fly bastart.

Hear about the lonely prisoner ?
He was in his cell.

What famous costume drama TV series of the 1970's was named after a
queue for the toilet ?
The Aw Needin Line.

The man in the clothes shop insisting on a maroon jacket.
"Fur ma roon shooders"

Hear about the stupit skindiver?
He didny have a scuba.


What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a social worker ?
Ye can get yer wean back aff a Rottweiler

What do you call a Glasgow Sikh who enjoys karaoke ?
Gupty Singh

Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the Glasgow
Mafia?
Apparently they made him an offer he couldn't understand.

Comments

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

Elderly Glasgow guy, watching a posh lady take her dog for a walk in the park:

'Ach, ye ruined that dug when ye took the wheels aff.'

Partick Thistle?? Yes, we supported them in our house, and my dad used to keep me up to date with their inexorable slide...

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Hey, it's not inexorable: they're in the playoffs this year. OK, for the Second Division, but even so...

I loved Billy Connolly's line about the drunk accidentally throwing up over a wee dug:

"Ah cannae remember eating that - hey, Mr, can ye get a hairy fish?"