Who I am, who I want to be, who I can be.

[f4f3]

I have a post to write about the difference between being who I am, who I want to be, and who I can be.

I do have the feeling that this is probably the root subject of much fiction and most self-help written in the last… well, in the last ever.

And as a place holder for that post, since I need to get off the train in 5 minutes, have some lyrics from Amanda Palmer.

In my mind

In a future five years from now
I'm a hundred and twenty pounds
And I never get hungover

Because I 
Will be the picture of discipline 
Never minding what state I'm in
And I will be someone I admire

And it's funny how I imagined 
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how
To see
That I'm not exactly the person that I thought I'd be.

And in my mind
In the far-away here-and-now
I've become in-control somehow
And I never lose my wallet

Because I 
Will be the picture of discipline 
Never fucking-up anything
And I'll be a good defensive driver

And it's funny how I imagined 
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how
To see
That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be.

And in my mind
When I'm old I am beautiful,
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over

Not like me now
I'm so busy with everything
That I don't look at anything
But I'm sure I'll look when I am older

And it's funny how I imagined 
That I could be that person now
That that's not what I want
But that's what I wanted
That I'd be giving up somehow
How strange to see
That I don't want to be the person that I want to be.

And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren't really happening
And when they put me in the ground

I'll start pounding the lid,
Saying, "I haven't finished yet,
I still have a tattoo to get,
It says, 'I'm living in the moment'".

And it's funny how I imagined 
That I could win this win-less fight
Maybe it isn't all that funny
That I've been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it's funny
If I want to live before I die
And maybe it's funniest of all
To think I'll die before I actually
See
That I am exactly the person that I want to be.

Fuck yes. 

I am exactly the person that I want to be.

And if you read down this far, how it's meant to sound, as a treat. 

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Bugger, well that didn't work. I will sort it later, honest I will.